Look alive, people! We’ve got an invasive species on our hands! They’re called adze (pronounced ah-djeh), and they’re often confused with harmless fireflies. But don’t underestimate these little creatures. Because once you get up close and personal, adze have a nasty habit of sucking your blood and possessing your mind.
Unfortunately, it takes a lot more than a fly swatter to dispose of an adze. Especially after they shift into their true forms. Thankfully, teenage vampire hunter Serwa Boateng has agreed to share some of her expert wisdom on how to handle these monsters should they invade your home/school/public pool/camping trip/etc.
(Please note: Serwa has not yet taken her Slayer Initiation Test, so none of her wisdom has been officially sanctioned by the Abomofuo vampire-hunting organization.)
Recognize the Signs
“Okay, so once an adze reveals its true form, it’s pretty much impossible to ignore. They grow to be about eight feet tall and start screeching worse than a thousand nails running down a chalkboard. Can’t get a much more obvious sign. But hey, at least their giant heads make for easy targets if you know what you’re doing.”
Choose Your Weapon Wisely
“Personally, I’m into throwing axes. But the right sword or dagger can also get the job done swiftly and effectively. Take Nokware, for example, my mom’s signature akrafena. It’s part of the reason she’s considered the best slayer in the biz. And it can transform into a bracelet when she needs to go incognito. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure I should be revealing this sort of information . . .”
Trust the Right Mentors
“Speaking of my parents, together they’re basically the ultimate vampire-slaying dream team–not to brag or anything. But it’s not always easy being the only child of the two greatest slayers in the whole world. The training can be intense, and the constant trips across the country to battle adze means spending a lot of time on the road and in hotels. But I’d take this lifestyle any day over *shudder* regular middle school. If you ask me, that’s where the real monsters dwell.”
Above All Else: Keep Innocent Civilians Out of Danger
“In the event of an adze attack, the first thing you’re going to want to do is clear the area. Not only are innocent people usually an adze’s prime targets, but they also end up causing more trouble than they’re worth, what with all the screaming and panicking and everything. Both my parents and my mmoatia tell me “people can surprise you sometimes,” but to me, they all just look like helpless prey. Uh, no offense, of course.”
None taken, Serwa! I think we speak for everybody when we say we would rather leave vampire-slaying to the professionals. Even pros who are too young to drive . . .
Want to learn more about how to defend yourself against the adze? Be sure to pick up Serwa Boateng’s Guide to Vampire Hunting, on sale September 6th!