Finding the perfect gift for Mom on her special day is hard enough for us mortals. But when your mother is a literal goddess, mythical creature, or primordial entity, the stakes are much higher. Failing to provide a proper tribute to the person who brought you into this world can lead to grave consequences. Or at least a passive-aggressive comment or two next time you’re invited to dinner at Mount Olympus or the Mansion of Night.
To help prevent our readers from suffering any Mother’s Day-related calamities, we spoke to the children of mothers whom we assume are hard to please (and one uninvited mother) to see what’s on the shopping lists this year. And who knows? Even if your mother isn’t capable of single-handedly altering the course of history or destroying the planet on a whim, you may still find some inspiration here!
Hypnos, son of Nyx:
“This year, I’m finally going to do it. I’m finally going to wake up early to deliver Mom breakfast in bed. I’ve set at least a dozen alarms, so I know I won’t sleep through it like I have the past few centuries. Our relationship has been a bit strained lately, so I really want to put the effort into repairing it this year.
“But you have no idea how hard it is to find freshly squeezed juice down here in Tartarus. Thankfully, I came across an apple in Eris’s room that she didn’t seem to be using. I hope she doesn’t mind.”
Blanche, daughter of Iris:
“This year, I’m visiting mom’s pop-up in Lincoln Center with a bouquet of midnight in hand. From her perspective, I’m sure the real gift will be my choice of attire. I’m finally going to bite the bullet and wear one of the many multicolored sweaters she’s been sending me the past few years. Totally not my aesthetic, but as long as I don’t run into anyone from the Soho Artist Collective, it should be fine, right?
“And maybe we can both take a break from the messages I’ve been receiving at all hours of the day. ‘O, daughter or Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow, accept my offering of this fuchsia and coral cardigan that is sure to make your eyes pop during these summer months.’ Barf.”
Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena:
“Mom isn’t a materialistic person. I think all she wants for Mother’s Day is for her kids to be happy, healthy, and thriving. Nothing makes her prouder than a report card with straight A’s, a college acceptance letter, a promotion at work, etc.
“Essentially, she prizes anything that gives her the ability to lord our successes over her siblings and their own demigod kids. As long as my GPA is higher than Percy’s at the end of the semester, I’ll be covered for this year. In your face, Poseidon!
“That’s, uh, what I imagine she’ll say, I mean.”
Echidna, Mother of Monsters:
“Ah, Mother’s Day. My favorite holiday of the year by far. As the Mother of Monsters, most of my time will undoubtedly be spent opening presents from all my lovely and wonderful children. I should know. I’ve told them exactly what to get me . . .
“Fuzzy socks from the Manticore. Essential oils from the Sphinx. A new big floppy hat from the Hydra. And a very special back massage from my beloved Chimera. The snake head at the end of its tail is perfect for those hard-to-reach places.
“Oh, they’re so good at following orders. At the end of the day, isn’t that really what every mother truly wants?”
Piper McLean, daughter of Aphrodite:
“You can get away with gifting Aphrodite anything for Mother’s Day as long as you present it as a symbol of your ‘undying love.’ Half a pack of chewing gum? A gift card for a store that went out of business years ago? One of those rubber bubble popper sheets they give to kids who fidget with their hands? They’ll all work.
“All you have to do is wrap it in nice paper, bow your head, and tell her, ‘My love cannot be expressed in mere words. If this precious token reflects just a fraction of my affection for you, I will be satisfied.’ Odds are, she’ll smile, say, “I will cherish this, dear child,” and proceed to toss it on the pile of other unopened Mother’s Day presents . . . and birthday presents . . . and Valentine’s Day presents . . . and the dozens of other gifts she has accumulated in the past week.”
Thank you to our contributors for all their valuable insights. And for those celebrating, be sure to treat your mother like a goddess this Mother’s Day! Within proper reason, of course. . . .