If you’re reading this in public, look at the person on your left. Now check out the person on your right. Chances are, at least one of those people is a monster in disguise. The chances are low, sure, but not impossible!

Luckily, we’ve learned how to live with creeping paranoia. By now, we’re totally cool with it! As long as monsters only ever attack demigods (and whoever gets on Hecate’s bad side), it’s really none of our business.

But for any demigods-in-waiting who are worried that one day a random classmate or co-worker might one day rage out, reveal themself to be a mythological creature, and start charging at you, we totally understand your concern. We may not have a ton of firsthand experience with monsters, but we know enough about them to understand that certain creatures are adept at hiding in plain sight.

And none more so than the vampiric yet strangely alluring empousai . . .

What’s in the Box?

According to certain myths, the first empousa flew out of Pandora’s Box way back in the Archaic Period. While they weren’t the only monster to originate from the Box, the empousai are certainly one of the most notable. In the years since their emergence, they have traveled the globe, likely inspiring many disparate cultures and communities to develop their own myths—and plenty of lousy movies—centered on vicious bloodsuckers.

It’s important to remember, however, that not every vampire is related to the empousai. Take those Adze insects that Serwa Boateng is so familiar with, for example. Not the same thing at all.

Now, if the empousai want to take credit for starting the vampire trend, we’re not going to argue with them. But clearly, they’re not what you think of when you first hear the word “vampire.” Unless you picture flaming hair and donkey legs. What can we say? Sometimes, first drafts are weird.

Vamp it Up

A little confused? We don’t blame you. With all these different myths out in the world, some of you might be unsure of what an empousa actually looks like.

And the truth is, we’re not super sure ourselves! They’re a bit of a hodgepodge. We can tell you that they often possess glowing red eyes, fangs, hair made of fire, one donkey leg, and one bronze leg. Which might make them easy to pick out in a lineup . . . except those traits only come out when empousai are in attack mode.

Empousai can change their shape to look like whatever they want, you see. Often, they’ll choose a form that’s appealing to their victims so they can more easily lure them into their clutches.

Or, if that doesn’t work, they’ll disguise themselves as high school students. As hard as it to fathom why anyone would willingly choose to attend high school if they didn’t have to, we have to admit that it’s a good strategy for targeting unsuspecting demigods. We just wish the empousai would at least wait until the marching band has finished playing before completely ruining the pep rally!

Stop, Drop, and Roll

Empousai may be bloodsuckers, but that doesn’t mean they share the same vulnerabilities as Dracula. Leave the cross, garlic, and wooden stake at home.

The good news is that empousai can be defeated with demigod weapons, like most monsters. The bad news is that they possess extra powers we don’t typically associate with vampires.

What’s the only thing scarier than a vampire? A vampire whose head is on fire.

Empousai can hypnotize people—and other monsters—by using charmspeak. They can also disappear in a pillar of flame. And, like most monsters, empousai can re-form in Tartarus after they’ve been “unalived.” So, even if you’re able to defeat them once, it’s only a matter of time before they respawn and challenge you to a rematch.

Your best option might be to avoid the hostility altogether by making friends with Hecate. If the goddess of magic tells the empousai to back off, they’ll listen. Although, as we’ve learned recently, getting on Hecate’s good side is easier said than done. And it involves a bit too many polecat farts for our comfort. If you’d rather simply take your chances with the bloodsuckers, we couldn’t blame you.

Give Me an “E”

In the end, if you’re ever attacked by an empousa, try not to take it personally. The fire hair isn’t just for show. These creatures have famously short tempers.

In fact, the only people they battle more often than demigods are each other. And hey, maybe if you can somehow exploit their ever-shifting power dynamics, you may be able to use that to your advantage.

Not that we’re casting judgment. Don’t pretend that you’ve never been so hungry that you fell into an uncontrollable rage. Now imagine having to compete with someone else for a taste of that precious blood (or pudding, or whatever it is that you’re craving). That’s the daily existence of the empousai. We don’t think they’re inherently evil—they just need some of that red stuff to chill out.

Truth be told, we somewhat admire how far the empousai are willing to go for demigod blood. Even scoring an audition for the cheerleading squad is no small feat. Tammi and Kelli really gave it their all and worked their butts off just to spring a trap on Percy, Paul, and Rachel in The Battle of the Labyrinth.

Countless nights running drills and becoming synchronized with their teammates, all while concealing those weird donkey legs. Honestly, we hope that if they ever make it back into the mortal world, they’ll be given another chance to rejoin the squad.

And if the rampant bloodlust really is a problem for them? Well . . . it’s not like the benchwarmers have anything to do!

What do you think? Are empousai truly dangerous or just misunderstood? Could they ever be redeemed? Be sure to let us know!