If we’re being honest, every month is Women’s History Month. Since before the concept of gender was invented, the world has been shaped, developed, and sustained by the innumerable contributions of females. Without them, humans would never have evolved past the Let’s Hit Each Other with Stones Age.
Sadly, information on the lives of many pioneering and trailblazing women from the pre-modern era has been lost to time. For those looking to dive deep into the annals of women’s history, our options are somewhat limited.
Thankfully, we here at Read Riordan have contact information for divine entities who have witnessed women’s history unfold in real time. Specifically, a few goddesses from several different pantheons who were eager to share their thoughts on this annual observance (and how they were directly involved in our overall progress, naturally).
We’ll leave it to the historians to determine whether these accounts are completely factual. We’re just happy to hear these divine women discuss their long and storied careers.
Aphrodite, Greek Goddess of Love:
“Believe me when I tell you that women’s history was very different before I introduced the concepts of pleasure and desire to the mortal world. Were those ancient societies more egalitarian and less violent before I redefined the concept of beauty in the eyes of man? Possibly. All depends on your perspective.
“Do I feel partially responsible for all the wars that have been fought over the love of a single woman? Including that nasty little skirmish in the city of Troy over Helen Whatshername? Certainly, the armies of men don’t need my encouragement to start picking fights. But if they claim to fight in the name of love, my love in particular, I see that as a badge of honor.
“Except when Ares and my hubby, Heph, start quarreling over my time, as they are often wont to do. Those so-called ‘wars’ are really just an embarrassment for everyone involved.”
Demeter, Greek Goddess of Agriculture and Fertility:
“Sometimes, in my darkest moments, I think that my role as goddess has brought me nothing but trouble. Familial strife with both my both my parents and my daughter, Persephone. Horrible wars I’ve had to fight for the sake of self-determination. An unflattering reputation among other gods and goddesses that I can never seem to overcome.
“But then I remember the difficulty that mortal women have faced throughout the centuries—oppression, discrimination, and exploitation—and I feel inspired by their unwavering strength and commitment to reclaiming their true destiny.
“And how could I forget all the famine and pestilence they’ve had to endure? Whoops! Again, I cannot apologize enough for those last two. Hopefully, any woman reading this knows those weren’t personal. We all have an off day every once in a while, am I right?”
Tawaret, Egyptian Goddess of Childbirth and Fertility:
“I must admit, I don’t pay much attention to the passage of time these days. Never have, to be honest. My life essentially consists of helping care for the retired gods of Sunny Acres. Oh, but I do have plenty of wonderful memories of helping young mothers in ancient Egypt welcome their newborn children into the world.
“Unfortunately, my reputation preceded me back then. My only regret is that I could have better clarified that not all hippos are trained in human midwifery. Some, yes, but they are few and far between. (And their hourly rates are ridiculous!)”
Minerva, Roman Goddess of Wisdom and Poetry:
“This Women’s History Month, I would like to extend all my love and support to the countless female writers, poets, artists, and musicians who have shaped human culture. Since shortly after I first stepped foot in Rome, these amazing women have served as an inspiration to the entire world, even to goddesses such as myself.
“And yes, while I seem to understand human art less and less with each passing year, I still encourage all women to embrace their creativity and chase the muse, if they so choose. Although, what happened to all the songs and poems about aqueducts? Or the terror of the Visigoths? Or the trauma of selling your favorite mule for a bottle of fresh olive oil? I wouldn’t say that artistic expression peaked in the second century, but . . .”
Sif, Norse Aesir Goddess of the Earth:
“Women’s History Month? Aww, the Midgardians are so adorable. Personally, I don’t see much difference between a mortal woman and any other type of mortal, but if they want to draw an arbitrary distinction, I have no problem with that. If the mortals are truly worth honoring, I’m sure I’ll meet them in Hotel Valhalla at some point. Heroes are heroes, no matter their gender expression.
“The opposite holds true as well, of course. I learned that lesson from a trickster god/goddess who shall remain nameless.”
Hebe, Greek Goddess of Eternal Youth:
“Oh, I love Women’s History Month! But why stop there? Did you know that this is also Pediatrician’s History Month? And Cotton Candy History Month? Not officially just yet, but we are gathering signatures for the petitions.
“Just you wait until you we enter Denim Jacket History Month in a few weeks. It also happens to crossover with Honky-Tonk History Month. The more history months we can stick on the calendar, the better. So much more fun than living in the present, wouldn’t you agree?”
Nut, Egyptian Goddess of the Sky:
“As a disembodied goddess who resides in the eternal sky, I have been honored to witness all the indescribable achievements and innovations of women since the dawn of civilization. The leaders, the teachers, the scientists, the scholars, the artists . . . you all have my blessing and validation.
“Even the women who are, eh, slightly less accomplished. Those who have been pocketing the coffee pods from the office breakroom and skipping their therapy appointments to stay home and binge trashy reality TV. I see you all. And you also have my blessing and validation.
“Perhaps maybe just wash your face before leaving the house tonight. Just a minor suggestion.”
Endless gratitude to all the goddesses who took time out of their schedules to share their thoughts about Women’s History Month. No offense to these divine ladies, but maybe we should all resolve to focus on learning more about the achievements of mortal women for the rest of the month . . . and beyond.