With each subsequent installment in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, our favorite son of Poseidon and his friends encountered fiercer and more powerful opponents. With the war against the Titan army about to kick off, and the crew sent on a deadly quest to the center of Daedalus’s labyrinth, Percy and pals were tested like never before during the events of book four.
But which of the villains and monsters who appeared in The Battle of the Labyrinth deserve a shiny medal of dishonor for their performance against the demigods, and which ones belong in the rubble of the underground maze? Let’s find out!
Tammi and Kelli:
For us, Attack of the Vampire Cheerleaders is an obscure streaming movie that our weirdest friend puts on at two in the morning. For Percy, it’s just another school day. Tammi and Kelli were two empousai (vampire-esque monsters trained by the witch goddess, Hecate) disguised as your typical teenage girls; they attacked Percy and Rachel Dare during their freshman orientation.
At this point, we’re used to Percy getting into fights with malevolent monsters at school, but the empousai may have been the most formidable opponents he faced while in civilian mode. Still, it was a walk in the park compared to most high school experiences. Percy and Rachel—with an assist from Percy’s future stepfather, Paul—were able to take out Tammi, but Kelli lived to fight (and suck blood) another day.
Ranking: Tammi: 2 embarrassing bite marks out of 5. Kelli: 4 embarrassing bite marks out of 5.
Geryon:
You would assume that someone with three hearts would be three times nicer than the average monster, but no. The no-good cattle rancher who gave Hercules so much trouble all those years ago, Geryon has relocated to the Lonestar state so he can raise his red cattle, flesh-eating horses, and giant scorpions in relative peace at the Triple G Ranch. And nothing confers Geryon more peace than giving demigods a hard time (and wringing as much value out of them as possible).
Thanks in large part to the strength of his multiple bodies and the threat of his dangerous livestock, Geryon has proved to be a powerful adversary against Percy. But one clean shot through all three of Geryon’s hearts put his extremely local tyranny to rest. At least for the time being. And before you start to worry, rest assured that those adorable red cows and giant scorpions are still properly cared for and well-fed by Ares’s son Eurytion.
Ranking: 2 stomach ulcers out of 5.
The Sphinx:
Here’s a riddle: When does curiosity not kill the cat?
When a group of young demigods and a deadly labyrinth get to her first. We feel inclined to give the Sphinx some credit. She’s one of the few ancient monsters who is first and foremost a warrior of the mind. Her greatest weapons are not her paws and fangs but her head-scratching riddles that have driven people to madness since antiquity.
But to be brutally honest, the Sphinx appears to be phoning it in these days. At least when she’s conceiving of challenging questions for her quiz show, “Answer That Riddle.” We’ve heard that her “riddles” are so watered-down that even a kindergartener could solve them. And when called out for her lack of effort, the Sphinx will fly into a rage and directly attack the contestants. It’s not the worst example of on-set behavior we can think of from a game show host, but it’s still not a good look. If she does in fact have nine lives, we hope that the Sphinx spends her next one writing some new material.
Ranking: 2 copies of Easy Riddles for Kids out of 5.
Antaeus:
The half-giant son of Poseidon and Gaea (absolutely no one’s OPT), this dude has been challenging people to wrestling matches for centuries. All in the service of collecting more human skulls for his ever-growing collection. After relocating his arena of skulls to the Labyrinth, it was only a matter of time before Antaeus and his half-brother Percy would face off in the ring.
Antaeus would be the first to tell you that his win-loss ratio is nothing to sneer at. But we have our doubts about the legitimacy of his prior so-called victories. We would have to consult the Titan Wrestling Commission to be sure, but we’re fairly certain that outside assistance from Gaea, which prevented Antaeus from ever losing a match so long as his feet were on the ground, is technically illegal. However, once Percy was able to goad Antaeus into launching himself in the air, it was all over.
At the end of the day, Antaeus is the type of guy who calls himself an “alpha male” but can’t win a fight without help from his mommy. Totally weak.
Ranking: 1 tiny skull out of 1,000.
Minos:
Aka the other guy who wants to lay claim to the title of “The Ghost King.” Although, we can’t think of anyone else who calls him that.
The former ruler of Crete, Minos found a new life’s purpose in the Underworld. Sorry, we mean afterlife’s purpose. Because despite all the sinister plotting and planning, and his scheme to manipulate Nico into destroying Daedalus, Minos is as dead as a doornail. And even worse, his authority as judge of the dead in the Underworld seems highly limited.
Minos may want you to think that he’s a big shot (he is a child of Zeus, after all), but really, he’s just another old man who can’t let go of an ancient grudge.
Ranking: 1 dusty old history book out of 5.
Kampê:
You must be one tough customer to receive the role of Tartarus’s top prison guard. But ever since a certain lightning god caught Kampê sleeping on the job (and zapped her to oblivion), she’s been hopping around from gig to gig, offering her services to the Titans when and wherever she’s needed. When we last we saw Kampê, she was guarding the Hundred-Handed Hekatonkheire named Briares. Before he was ultimately freed by Tyson.
In the wake of another hugely embarrassing familiar (she had ONE job), Kampê lashed out at Percy and Annabeth in a brutal attack that still haunts our nightmares. To this day, we truly believe that Kampê would have triumphed had Briares not returned to dump a bunch of rocks on her head. In fairness, Briares’s many hands also give us plenty of nightmares.
Regardless, Kampê remains one of the most fearsome and powerful foes that Percy and Annabeth have ever had the misfortune of meeting. So, you’d better put some respect on her name. Or at least stop referring to her as “Store Brand Medusa.”
Ranking: 5 scary mutant animal heads out of 5.
Which of these baddies would you like to see make a comeback and challenge the demigods to a rematch? Be sure to let us know!