After months of begging, you’ve finally convinced your parents/roommates to embrace the possibility of your adopting a new furry friend. You already have a name picked out for the new doggy. You’ve promised to be the one who will feed it, walk it, and clean up after it no matter how strange its appetite or unholy its messes may be.
Now all that’s left is to decide is which breed.
Golden retriever? Too perfect.
German shepherd? Too loyal.
Border collie? Too smart.
Beagle? Too sniffy.
American shorthair? Too catlike. (Also, it’s a cat.)
Maybe what you really need is a dog that matches the dark part of yourself that you keep hidden most of the time. A rare, powerful, and sometimes even dangerous breed that can only be found in the shadowy depths of the Underworld itself . . . or on the streets of Manhattan.
If unrestrained food consumption and rampant furniture obliteration aren’t issues for you and yours, may we perhaps recommend the hellhound?
Oh, why deny it anymore? If you hadn’t already fallen in love with these pitch-black puppers from the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, you surely must have after reading Wrath of the Triple Goddess. If we’ve learned anything from Percy’s most recent adventure (other than to avoid perfume stores), it’s that hellhounds come in many different shapes and sizes. Some big, some small. Some good, some evil. Some cuddly, some conniving.
Given the wide diversity of personalities within the breed, choosing the wrong hellhound could have grave and possibly gruesome consequences. With that in mind, let’s run down the most common types and help you find the one that could bark up your tree.
The Newborn
Did you know that each and every year, hundreds of hellhounds go without a home? And no, it’s not because they devoured their owners. At least, not most of the time.
Like any other monster cast out from their society, some hellhounds are left in the wild or on the street to fend for themselves. Maybe because they wound up on the losing side of a war with a Greek god. Or they got lost after shadow-traveling somewhere new and unfamiliar. Or they returned to the Underworld only to be ignored by their parents, Nyx and Cerberus (don’t ask).
But don’t despair too much. A full-grown hellhound is more than capable of taking care of itself. It’s the tiny puppies we need to watch out for. We implore anyone who can see beyond the Mist: if you come across a helpless hellhound puppy all by its lonesome, drop what you’re doing and find a new home for the poor thing. We don’t care if you’re on a quest to save the world—this is more important. And if you’re willing to make that new home your own, even better.
Adopting a hellhound puppy is a huge responsibility, but it can also be very rewarding. They’re affectionate, they’re adorable, and if you get one at the right age, their adult teeth won’t be in yet, giving you plenty of time to teach them that demigods are friends, not food.
The only real issue we can think of is that certain newborn hellhounds have a habit of repeating their name over and over again (Not that we’re calling anyone out. Nope, not us.). But hey, you don’t seem to mind when Pikachu does it.
The Trusted Guard Dog
Do you prefer your dogs to arrive pre-trained? You’re in luck. Ever since the defeat of the Titan Army, hellhounds across the globe have found themselves without a job. We’re sure that any number would be proud to dedicate themselves to protecting your home from those pesky delivery drivers and debt collectors.
These hellhounds will be 100% committed to the cause, whatever it may be—as long as you can prove that you’re a more competent leader than the Titan generals were. These dogs have high standards. If you’re not careful, they could take over the house and start telling you what to do.
If you do manage to earn the trust of a full-grown hellhound, and ensure they never grow too bored or hungry, you can count on their loyalty for the long term. Hellhounds rarely abandon their owners and run away from home. The ones that do typically suffer from an uncommon and incurable medical condition known as not actually a hellhound, just someone who was (perhaps justifiably) transformed into a hellhound by a magical goddess. Please consult your local veterinarian or sorceress if you believe your hellhound is suffering from delusions of humanity.
The Old Friend
For a minute, forget everything we said above about the hellhounds and their monstrous cravings. We don’t blame anyone for still carrying a slight lingering fear of these canines ever since Percy’s first capture-the-flag match at Camp Half-Blood.
Bear in mind that not all hellhounds are out for blood. Need we remind you of Percy’s dog, Mrs. O’Leary?
Ever since we first met her, alongside Daedalus in The Battle of the Labyrinth, our standards for what constitutes good dog traits have risen dramatically.
She’s friendly, playful, energetic, reliable, and can shadow-travel with more accuracy than most children of Hades. She’s the model for what any aspiring dog owner would look for in a hellhound. Maybe she’s a bit on the older side now, but that just means that she’s had plenty of time to figure out how to peacefully co-exist with mortals and demigods alike.
Some claim that Mrs. O’Leary is the only friendly hellhound in all of existence. Perhaps we’re naïve, but we like to think that any hellhound could be as kind and supportive as Mrs. O’Leary if they were provided with a warm and loving environment.
Not that Mrs. O’Leary is in desperate need of home these days. For the time being, she’s more than happy shadow-traveling across the globe, trying out new doggie beds, and frolicking around Camp Jupiter’s Field of Mars with Hannibal the elephant.
Perhaps, at the end of the day, Mrs. O’Leary is living proof that most hellhounds crave independence and autonomy above all else. You can expect to enjoy the companionship of your trusted guard dog for a century or so, but beyond that age they may want to head out, explore the world, and sample new treats that you simply can’t provide.
If you don’t think you’ll be able to say goodbye when the time comes, perhaps adopting a hellhound isn’t the best idea. But who knows? When your soul passes into the Underworld, you might be reunited with your lost hellhound one day . . . along with their many, many friends, not all of whom are dogs. But they’re all eager for new bones to chew on.
Alternatively, you could go down to the aquarium and see if Bessie the sea cow is in the market for a new owner.
Want to learn more about the ups and downs of hellhound ownership? Be sure to check out Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Wrath of the Triple Goddess, on sale now!